Yesterday, I had a moment. After work I sat in my car for about 30 minutes and boohooed like a baby. I always sit in my car after work for a while; I’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember. That gives me a moment to collect myself and make a mental list of things I need to complete before bed.
As I sat in the car yesterday, scrolling through pictures from last night’s Data Night, I kept scrolling and somehow I started looking at pictures from six years ago.
...and that’s where the boohooing started.
It was this one picture where I was, too, sitting in my car after work. I remember so vividly because I remember the shirt I was wearing and how I had soaked it with tears and makeup and the makeup would not come out.
As I looked at that picture,I remember that I had just left my husband and moved to Greenville. I had just started a new job so I was full of doubt. Along with the doubt from the new job, I was hurt, embarrassed, depressed, and broken...spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and financially....but no one had a clue, no one but me. I had mastered the art of pretending to be happy...but I was a total wreck. I was crying myself to sleep every night, battling with suicidal thoughts, battling with low self-esteem and low self-worth, and was completely lost.
So here I was yesterday, feeling completely opposite of what I felt six years ago- at PEACE, full of JOY, WHOLE, and FREE, and it was in that moment that I was reassured that GOD IS A PROMISE KEEPER.
Let me encourage those who may be today where I was six years ago. You do not have to pretend to be okay. You can actually be okay....but God cannot heal what you will not reveal. I have traveled this road and I know how painful it is. I know exactly how you are feeling and what you are dealing with; however, this is NOT your final destination. You are just passing through. This pain is only temporary, and God is going to give you beauty for your ashes.
See, you cannot appreciate the sunshine until you have gone through the storms and rain...you cannot appreciate being WHOLE until you’ve been broken...you cannot appreciate a full night’s rest until you’ve tossed & turned all night...you cannot appreciate crying tears of joy until you’ve cried tears of sorrow...you cannot appreciate the PEACE until you’ve endured mental & emotional turmoil.
Go through it!!!
Starting today- be honest with yourself and with God about what you are feeling. He loves you and He cares...and you will, too, be able to look back and cry....tears of joy...because you are not at that place anymore....and it will be in that moment that you will understand why you had to go through this and will, too, realize that God is a PROMISE KEEPER. ❤️